Wednesday, 4 August 2010

DREAMS OF REALITY

"She's always impatient with me, never listening to me, always misunderstanding. How do I tell her that I love her with all my life? What more can I do for her? But I can't scold her, can't hurt her. Please Baby trust me, I love you and only you. No one can come between you and me. But I shouldn't tell her anything. This isn't working out."

A small spark can ignite minds in this way he didn't know. If only S could reconcile at that moment they would have been happy, but that they didn't they…

S shuffled in between the cold sheets, he couldn't sleep. The night was turning her back towards him; he had nothing to keep himself warm. He closed his eyes and turned to his left, something struck him instinctively and he immediately turned to his right. He opened his eyes and life's reflection formed at the corner of his eyes, he shut his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek.

S tried to sleep but he couldn't, he started thinking instead…

"That day is still distinct in my mind; she was acting like a kid and just failed to see my point. And even now, why does she not understand things my way, she's so quiet right now that I just feel so frustrated. Anyway I must sleep now. Can't do anything about it right now."


S was busy all day – working, and tiredness took over ultimately, unable to see his sorry state. He fell asleep with time, time – the biggest healer.

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She lay there beside him. She lay there behind him. She lay there all around him. S has never been so happily perplexed in his life, but now it was a different time. With the ticking of time S was coming out of a century, learning new things. That's how the past few months of his life had been, and even now. Seeing her all around him, S felt a kind of satisfaction, a kind of relief – the kind of relief one gets when he realizes that he's breathing and alive.


-Hi Baby, what's up?
-Nothing much. You tell me.
-Accha where were you all this time? Sucker you can't message me?
-Sorry Baby been out with friends, couldn't message or call you.
-So where are you rite now?
-Home.

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Laughter. Subdued Laughter. Nowadays S has begun to laugh a little more than he used to, and there is, apparently, no dearth of elements to trigger such laughter. He sometimes feels he has had his fill of the world's splendours and now perhaps it's time to go. More laughter.

S tries hard to open his eyelids and look to his right but his strength has deserted him; following in the footsteps of others, strength too has understood that S is a lost case. However, S tries hard to move his hand all over the bed, to his right, with his drooped eyelids striving hard to open, but there is nothing; no one.

A small spark can ignite minds in this way he didn't know. If only S could reconcile at that moment they would have been happy, but that they didn't they…

S falls off to sleep again…

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-Baby…Please tell me a story…
-A story? I don't have a story baby…Hmm…Okay give me time to think.
-How long do you need?
-As long as you'd allow, the more the better.
-Nai, jaldi se batao.
-First say you love me…
-I do… jaldi se batao naa…
-Okay Okay I've got it…now listen to this…

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S got up with a start. A deep pain formed in his heart. He felt like crying out loud but he checked himself. Thoughts rushed through his mind and erupted in beads of perspiration. But still, his eyes were hard shut, seemed they could sense the fear within his heart, and seemed they feared what lay beside…

Somehow S pulled himself back to sleep, just like he imagined it to be – it felt good. She did the same thing to him. It felt good too.

ZzzzzZzZzzZZZZZZ…(ASLEEP)


At the other end of the same bed where S is sleeping, P contemplates.....

"He's such a fucker in life, always complaining, why does he always have to say things in this way? Can't he just understand things my way, at least at times? I'm crying here and he just doesn't seem to care. He acts so unreasonable. I'm not saying anymore. He must understand that he hurts me so badly at times."

P was madly in love with S. She had no idea who fell in love first, neither did she care about it, because all she wanted was love and more love, and that she got in enormous amount but with its equal share of sadness. P still failed to understand S completely, he seemed a different person at different times. She loved this about him, and at the same time hated it with all her mighty heart. He was so complex and so different, which was good, but secretly P wished S had more things in common with her.

With time S had stopped saying mushy stuff, actually he had never been romantic but at least occasionally he used to be romantic. Now with time, S has totally stopped saying or doing anything romantic. In fact P has to literally beg him to say that he still loves her. This was frustrating for P, which is so normal.

"Why do I always have to beg him? Bloody Fucker, what does he think of himself? I want him to tell me whatever's going on his life, but he hardly does that. Why is he losing patience? Why does he get angry nowadays? Maybe he's tired of listening to me all day. Maybe, maybe not. But this isn't what I wanted. I wanted him to have his say. Tell me what's wrong and what's right. Guide me. But he just doesn't seem to care. I'm so tired of his quietness. This isn't working out."


A small spark can ignite minds in this way she didn't know. If only P could reconcile at that moment they would have been happy, but that they didn't they…

P was lying, tears rolled down her cheeks. She tried hard to stop, but couldn't. She rolled to her right to get the tissue paper. The coarse paper was no comfort to her wet eyes, her swollen face and disturbed mind. Instead, she found comfort in her thoughts.

"The perfect guy, God I really thought him to be the perfect guy. But nobody's perfect. How he has changed with time, why has he changed? How do I tell him that he's still the perfect guy for me? How do I tell him that he's my world? How do I become more expressive? Ya he goes on complaining all the time, tell me things, tell me things, bloody asshole. How many more times should I tell him that I can't be more expressive? I love him. I love him like I've never loved someone before. Love me the way I am."

Flustered with anger and frustration, P's ears turned burning red. Her swollen face lit up and she got out of the bed. She couldn't lie there anymore. She had to pee. She's been holding herself ever since it all started.

Back from the loo, P stood in front of the bed for sometime and watched S sleeping as ifthe world had no existence. Her mind was totally blank, she looked plaintively and numbness took over her whole body and form. Suddenly she realized she had college the next day, she quickly got in bed and shut her eyes. Sleep eluded her for sometime, she turned and rolled to be comfortable, but nothing helped. Finally she turned to her left and feebly opened her eyelids; she quickly shut it back and went off to sleep with a faint smile round the corner of her face.


A small spark can ignite minds in this way she didn't know. If only P could reconcile at that moment they would have been happy, but that they didn't they…

She started dreaming…

P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P*P (DREAM)

-Baby…Please tell me a story…
-A story? I don't have a story baby…Hmm…Okay give me time to think.
-How long do you need?
-As long as you'd allow, the more the better.
-Nai, jaldi se batao.
-First say you love me…
-I do… jaldi se batao naa…
-Okay Okay I've got it…now listen to this…
-Hey Baby…
-Ya…
-I love you…
-I love you too Baby…Now jaldi jaldi listen to my story….

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-The story begins in the land of animals. Basically we all are animals, but in this land each animal was different and yet so alike. Like the million other animals of this land, Shano was also a part, relatively a small part but his story is one that would last a lifetime.

-In the rainy forests of Kumanti, lived a pack of red kangaroos. Shano was the youngest of this family, and though everyone loved him, he never understood their love, never was happy with the love they bestowed upon him. He always stayed aloof and though he acknowledged their love but deep within he resented them. He knew their secrets and their flaws and this created a sense of dejection within him.

-Now Shano was a dreamer, he wanted to do a lot in life, wanted to reach out and help others, but he never stuck to one thing for long. He moved on with life and life moved on with him.

-Okay now you have Shano, the kangaroo. Now you continue with the story…
-Me? Arre nai nai…Baby you continue please…
-No, now it's your turn.
-Hmm…Okay I'll try…

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Convergence of Dreams

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-Me? Arre nai nai…Baby you continue please…
-No, now it's your turn.
-Hmm…Okay I'll try…

-So, as it goes Shano lived with his family in the Kumanti rainy forests. At and around the same time, lived a small little white squirrel, named Poogly, in the far off forests of Madhuvanti. She was happy with her life, content and had no major complains. Her family loved her and she loved them too. Life was good and she enjoyed everything about her.

-In her life she fell in love with other squirrels but none could love her for long. Something always seemed lacking in them, somehow she moved on with life and dreamed that one day the perfect squirrel would come into her life and sweep her off her little feet. As of now she was happy getting acquainted with prospective partners and keeping her relationships hushed from her family.

-She had a number of friends, and all her friends loved to be with her. She loved them too and shared a lot of her stories with them, almost everything. She used to invite her friends to her drey and chat over cashew nuts and fruits. She loved to eat nuts and cooked delicious dishes for her friends, for as it goes, she loved to make others eat too. Once she had even told her friend, that she had a special liking for squirrels who ate a lot because she found it cute.

-Accha now it's back to you Mr. Writer. Lead on…
-Very well done my love. Indeed you are amazing. I think I just fell in love with you all over again.
-Oh! Really? How Sweet!
-Sweet Indeed!

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P turned left and right in her sleep. She adjusted her left hand and slid it below her pillow. She turned and lifting herself, she lay on her stomach. She seemed relieved, the smile was still present, but it just broadened. She went off to sleep again.

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-Sweet Indeed!
-Now that we've got Shano and Poogly, tell me what kind of a story should it be?
-A love story with a happy ending.
-How predictable!
-Of course! I love being predictable. Love repeating myself. After all it's you baby. With you I don't mind anything.
-Oh! Baby, I love you so so much.
-Now don't say anything, please continue with the story, and don't stop. I want to hear the entire story tonight.
-As you say my love.

-So, as the story goes Poogly and Shano lived their respective lives, unaware of the times to come; unaware of the presence of the special someone, life's complexities and life's surprises.

-Shano grew up to be a normal Joey, though in the beginning his mom feared that he might be abnormal, after all he hardly interacted with his family members. All other kangaroos used to hop, skip and jump, filled with life they wanted to explore new lands, but Shano never followed them. In the beginning he hardly came out of his mother's pouch, and then, the day he did, he started working for his family. In his heart he too felt the rush, cause after all his mind was still young, but he always checked himself. He feared to leave his mom.

-One day he had a big fight with his dad, as he was short tempered, he lost his cool and at night he packed his bags and hopped out of his home. He was sick and tired of his life. It was time for Shano to learn new things, see life as it is, and fall in love. It was his destiny and he couldn't alter it.

-After two days of hopping Shano at last reached a clearing. He had no idea that he had left his forest long time back and was now in foreign territory. He was in the land of squirrels -Madhuvanti. As he jumped about he heard something move, a ruffling of the autumn leaves. He strained his eyes and looked at his feet. All he could see was a fluffy ball of snow.
'Hey stranger, what's your name?'
-Shano looked keenly and found the ball of snow missing from near his feet. It had moved a few feet ahead and in fact it was a living animal. Much smaller than the ones his eyes were used to, but very pretty; oh so pretty! The voice struck a chord in his heart and he could sense something happening to him, his eyes drooped and he looked at his feet again. He replied.
'I'm Shano, I've lost my way. Who are you?'
'I'm Poogly, I live here in this forest with my parents, I'm a squirrel, but you don't seem to be a squirrel. Are you a jackal? My dad says that we must never go near jackals, because when they are hungry they might just eat us off. I mean I don't mind if you are a jackal, but please don't be hungry at this time, it's hardly morning.'
'No, no I'm not a jackal, I'm a Joey.'
'A Joey? Now what's that? Where have you come from?'
'I'm a Kangaroo, and why do you ask where I've come from? Isn't this Kumanti forest?'
'Oye Hero, this is Madhuvanti forest and stop playing with me. Tell me seriously are you a Kangaroo or a Joey?'

-All this time Shano had his eyes glued to the ground, but on hearing this he suddenly raised his head and looked at Poogly. This time Shano amassed enough courage to look into her dark brown eyes; he could understand that God has been equal to everyone. This little creature, defenseless and yet so brave, was looking straight at him, didn't budge at all cause her mind and heart was pure. Shano understood the reason behind her beauty. He told her his story and suddenly he felt like telling her more and more. But there was nothing more about him. His life has been so blank all these years.

-Poogly took Shano to her folks and introduced him as her friend. In the beginning everyone was apprehensive and scolded Poogly for bringing trouble, but with time everyone started to like Shano. He helped Poogly's mom and dad with their daily chores and even played with her when she wanted him to. Secretly Shano started liking Poogly, something he had never felt before took over and he lost his appetite and even his sleep. He used to work all day and at nights he used to think about her.

-Then one day, Shano found Poogly crying near the pond. He heard from a long distance and a pain developed within his heart too. He went up to her and sat down beside her.

'What's wrong Poogly?'
'No one loves me. My mom and dad scolded me. They are never happy with whatever I do. Why can't I live my own life?'
-Shano didn't say anything. He loved to listen to her, Poogly spoke well and it pleased him. He never wanted to cut short her.
'Shano, please tell my dad, that's it's not yet time for me to get married, I haven't seen much of life and all the squirrels bore me, none of them can keep me happy.'
'Then who'll keep you happy Poogly?'
-Shano looked in her eyes, she looked into his. It seemed that moment would never pass, it kept repeating itself. But Poogly looked away. She held Shano's hands and pulled him deep into the forest.
'Come with me. I'll show you what keeps me happy.'
-Through the forest Poogly ran, with Shano behind her. She was laughing all the way, trying to hide from Shano. But Shano wasn't far behind; he hopped and jumped to keep up with her pace. He felt a joy in his heart and wanted to tell her everything. Finally they reached the darkest region of the forest. A banyan tree stood tall in front of them and Poogly was staring at it intently.


'What is it Poogly?'
'Shano, this is place where I want to live. This is the perfect place where I want my guy to build a tree house for me. See the long grasses here. In the summer I want my guy to lie down here with me and play with me. I'm a dreamer Shano and I want a life full of dreams. I want my guy to fulfill all my dreams, and trust me none of the squirrels I see can ever fulfill my dreams. I don't want to lead a normal life Shano. I want a life filled with love.'
-Poogly looked at Shano with expectation, Shano tried to look away, but he couldn't. He held her hand and kissed it. He kneeled down and held Poogly's right hand.
'Hey Princess of far away dreams, I'm here at your feet. A creature so different than what you are; different tastes and priorities, leading a life of misery and pain, but if you would take my hand then I promise I'd make you the princess of my life, my priority. Give you all the happiness you seek and fulfill all your dreams. Build the tree house for you and stay with you forever. Protect you with my life and love you more than myself. I've liked you for a fair time, and maybe loved you too, but never had the courage to tell you everything. Now I'm here at your feet with my eyes held high, so you could see the truth in my eyes.'
'Oh! Shano, what do I say? Thank you so much for loving me, but I just don't know what to say. Everything's happening so fast.'
'Dear Poogly my mom's sick and I'm going home today, I'll come back for you within a week to hear your answer. I love you and I won't deny it in front of anyone, whether it be your family or mine. Goodbye for now.'


-Saying this Shano hopped off without even looking back for once; without giving Poogly a second chance to speak her heart out. Ever since Shano started staying with her family, Poogly felt a change developing within her, she had become more caring and concerned about him. She liked him and often looked at him while he worked in the fields. She didn't want to accept the fact that she was falling in love with Shano, how absurd would it sound to her friends and family. Would anyone accept them? All these questions disturbed Poogly, but now she had no doubt. She had seen the truth in Shano's eyes and she knew no one could keep her happier. He was the perfect guy for her. Different species, different size, nothing mattered, love was the sole criterion and she felt happy that she was loved by Shano.

-Time passed but no news came from Shano's side. A month passed and still Shano didn't return. In the mean time other squirrels tried to win her heart, but Poogly refused them all. No one could take Shano's place, she had given her heart to him, and she knew he'd come for him. He'd keep his promise.

-One day Poogly's dad brought the news of a civil war erupting in the outskirts of Madhuvanti forest; we must build furrows and hide immediately. Her dad called her to his room and told her –
'Poogly I want you to marry someone immediately, it's time you got married.'
'But dad I can't marry someone without loving that person.'

'So start loving someone.'
'But dad, I already love someone, and I'm waiting for that person to come here.'
'Whom do you love my girl? I'm so happy you found someone. You intend to marry him? Where's he right now?'
-Poogly knew the truth meant too many questions, and too many questions meant trouble. But now there was no backing out.
'I love Shano'
'Shano? The kangaroo? Are you out of your mind?'
'I knew you'd react in this way dad, but we've decided. I'm waiting for him.'
'I've never argued with you my girl, I just want your happiness, but are you sure he'd come back for you?'
'Yes dad I have faith in my love and faith in him. He'd surely come for me.'

-The matter ended there but Poogly's friends began questioning her, she however eluded them dexterously. However, as more time passed Poogly began to worry about Shano's state, she wanted to somehow contact him. One day she got a pigeon for herself and then she wrote a letter and sent it along with the pigeon to her beloved Shano.
In the letter she wrote…

"I love you. Waiting for you."

-On reading the letter Shano just couldn't stay at home any longer. His mom had been keeping him away all this time but now this letter fuelled his love and he rushed out of his house to meet his love Poogly. He faced all sort of trouble at home and away but ultimately he reached his destination. With love he won over Poogly and her family and ultimately build the tree house for her; and yeah did everything that she asked him to do. As the story goes Shano held Poogly's hand once but never let go off it since.

-Hey you liked it?
-I liked it? Oh! Baby I loved it…
-Is this how you imagined the ending to be?
-Hmm…not exactly…

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S got up from his sleep. He couldn't exactly recall the dream that he just had but he was sure he had a dream. Damn his memory was getting weak. He stretched himself and held his hand out to see the time…


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-Hmm…not exactly…
-I wanted Shano to come up to Poogly and ask for forgiveness. And Poogly would give him one whack on the back. Bloody where was he all this time? Can't he like message her? And then Poogly would kiss his lips and hold his strong hands and live happily ever after…

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Suddenly P felt something stroking her hand. It felt nice, but she was so sleepy she couldn't open her eyes. She tried hard to hold on to the fading bits of the dream she had. It felt more real than her daily life. But she couldn't connect the bits of her fading dream. She tried hard but her mind drifted to the thing on her hand. She held the thing tightly and it felt like a hand. She felt happy. She knew the connection. Everything was real. She said I love you baby. A heavy voice resounded the same thing in her ears. She smiled with her eyes closed. A warm pair of lips touched her luscious lips. She held it tightly. She had never been so happy ever before.


A small spark can ignite minds in this way they didn't know. If only S and P could reconcile at that moment they would have been happy, but that they didn't they…were much happier.